Learning Wisdom Through Tension

 

Proverbs often teaches wisdom through surprising pairings.

One such pairing appears in Proverbs 26:4-5 (HCSB).

“Don’t answer a fool according to his foolishness
or you’ll be like him yourself.”

“Answer a fool according to his foolishness
or he’ll become wise in his own eyes.”

At first read, those verses can feel confusing. One tells us not to answer. The very next tells us to answer. Many of us instinctively want to ask, which is it?

Proverbs does not rush to resolve that tension. Instead, it invites us to sit with it.

Two Real Dangers

These verses name two dangers we can all recognize.

The first is the danger of becoming like what we are responding to. Verse 4 cautions us against answering in the same spirit of foolishness. When we mirror sarcasm, anger, or contempt, we may feel momentarily satisfied, but something is lost. We harden ourselves towards the other. We erode trust. We step away from the kind of people we are called to be.

The second danger is the danger of saying nothing when something needs to be said. Verse 5 reminds us that silence is not always neutral. When foolish words go unchallenged, they can begin to sound like wisdom. Left alone, they can grow more confident and more damaging.

Wisdom lives between these two risks.

What the Verses Are Really Saying

Both verses use the same phrase: “according to his foolishness.”

The point is not whether we speak or stay silent. The point is how and why we respond. Scripture never calls us to speak foolishly. It calls us to respond in a way that exposes foolishness without imitating it.

That requires patience. It requires humility. It requires discernment. And it requires a willingness to choose restraint over reaction.

A Word for Leaders Today

This teaching feels especially relevant for leadership in our time.

Not every provocation deserves a response. As the saying goes “You don’t need to show up to every fight you’re invited to.” Some words lose their power when they are not given attention. Choosing not to engage can be an act of wisdom, not avoidance.

But there are moments when silence carries a cost. When misinformation spreads, when people are misled, or when harm is being done, leaders have a responsibility to speak. In those moments, the call is to respond calmly and clearly, without adopting the tone or tactics that created the problem in the first place.

The goal is not to win an argument. It is to protect truth and care for people.

Walking This Path Together

Proverbs 26:4-5 does not give us a formula. It gives us a posture.

It reminds us that wisdom is not about always speaking or always staying silent. It is about discernment shaped by love. About knowing when restraint serves the moment and when clarity does.

Most of us are still learning this. I know I am.

And perhaps that is the quiet gift of these verses. They do not promise easy answers. They invite us into a slower, gentler kind of wisdom. One that grows as we learn to listen, to pause, and to choose our words with care.